Confessions

Ever since i was little, I never really had the chance to get to know my dad as how a son is supposed to know about his dad. My parents got separated when i was 12. I still remember the day my family and i went to the court to get the thing done. I never question why this kinda thing happened in my life. I never blame God for what has happened back then. At the back of my head, I always know things happened for good reasons. I know that life goes on no matter what happens. I fall sometimes, but I never gave up. My childhood was a happy childhood i guess. Although i've seen alot of quarreling in the family, i still know that no matter what, family will always be family. All my life, my dad has never acknowledge my success. He never said those words you wanna hear when you get good results. To him, getting good results is not enough. Nothing I do impressed him. He never give me stuffs, he never get me anything. As a kid, I chose books over toys. I remember those days when i kept all my pocket money just to get storybooks. I love reading. My mum buys me books very frequently too cos' she knows how much books meant to me. Yes, I was a nerd. But who knew i grew up to be someone so awesome. ok ok, just kiddin'. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, the way i am today is a perception of things(shitty and not so shitty things) that happened in my past, mostly during my childhood days, shaped me into who i am today. For what i was devoid of the most, i seek them now the most too. Talking, socializing and compliment is what i prioritize a lot in my life. I often spend ample of time talking and letting the people im really close to know how much they mean to me. I love buying stuffs for them and i really wanna make sure that i make them know that when i say that i will always be there for them, i really make sure and meant it the way i mean it. I never fail to stand up for them too and i always have time for them. I wanna give what i never really had in my life. Bunny always tell me that im too nice, that i have to say no sometimes. And i agreed to saying no sometimes. I listened. i always listen to what he have to say. He is a big brother i met along the way after all. Dont you agree to the part where God made you the way you are today for good reasons? You are after all in this world to experience being you. I guess it's balance. There are nice people in this world, and obviously the not so nice ones too. I cant help it but im just being myself most of the time. Maybe im too nice, maybe im not. I believe in karma. what goes around comes around. If everyone in this world acts very selfishly, then there wouldnt be mother theresa, mahatma gandhi, nelson mandela and so on in the first place. What bugs me the most is the part where people love to assume and judge by how they see things, which is just by the surface, and not whats within. I was one of them once upon a time. Ive learnt my lesson long time ago. I dont need to prove to anyone about my sexual orientation by having a gf at the moment. When the time comes, the truth will totally unfold itself and you will then know who's gay in every ways. I know the one for me is somewhere out there. She's just with all the wrong guy(s). Although i am so sick of people assuming that im gay, i will not let it get to me. Im just so annoyed that they think my obviously NOT GAY friend is gay.wtf. This is bullshit, honestly. Why must you involve others too. Urgh. Oh well.

Im gonna carry on being optimistic cos' I know it sure will pay off. As long as my direction is set and i stay on course, there is no limit or restriction on what can be achieved. If we cant go far, we still can dream at least.